But what if your relationship is on the rocks and Valentine’s Day is just another painful reminder that your life isn’t what you hoped it would be? Then what do you do? I know, this isn’t exactly an uplifting topic, but the truth is, the vast majority of people in my practice are not exactly big Valentine’s Day enthusiasts. My practice generally consists of one spouse who desperately wants out of the marriage and the other who wants nothing more than to live happily ever after. So, February 14th often means hurt, confusion and loneliness. And I would venture a guess that there are many, many non-clinical couples who, though not on the brink of divorce, feel an emotional distance that has them wishing Valentine’s Day would just pass without fanfare.
So, what can you do if a romantic dinner and words of affirmation are not on the agenda for you this year? First, have a plan regarding how you will approach the day. Get some feedback from friends, family or a therapist regarding questions like, “Should I buy my wife a card or get her a gift when I know she is pulling away?” “Would it be a good idea to simply ignore the day or would my spouse take offense?” “I would love to plan a romantic dinner but I don’t know if my husband would feel too pressured.” “We’re separated. Should I even email or text my wife?”
Next, if you’re not going to be with the one you love, plan something nice for yourself.
When I asked people on my Facebook page about what they could do to avoid throwing a pity party on Valentine’s Day, here’s what some had to say:
On my own without kids, I would have a nice hot bubble bath with a good book. Perhaps go for a walk and maybe call my mom or dad and say I love you.
With kids, make it about them. Bake cookies and decorate them and if there is snow outside go sliding or have a snow ball fight.
I’ll get a pedicure, massage, fashion magazine and a bubble bath, single girls day out, good book and hot tea
Even in a relationship, I get myself something nice for V-day. That reminds me to love myself. A gym membership, a manicure/pedicure, a cashmere sweater. Just something nice for me.
And I like this one the most-
How about doing something loving for someone else who may not have anyone with whom to share the day? Bring lotion to a nursing home and give hand massages? Take a widow to lunch? Sometimes shifting my focus helps when I’m poised to throw myself a pity party.
So, while those of us who are fortunate enough to be with spouses who share our desire to celebrate our connection, years together, children, and history, we should be mindful of those who, for this year, at least, have missed Cupid’s arrow.
Michele Weiner Davis is the creator of the Divorce Busting Centers, learn more on how you can solve marriage problems and stop divorce. Follow me on Twitter @divorcebusting, add my Divorce Busting Facebook Page, and subscribe to the Divorce Busting YouTube Videos for more advice and upcoming marriage saving events.
I believe a major theme continues to be the movement toward ‘The Internet of Things‘. Despite that this idea has been around for some time it is observable as a long-term, or over-arching, theme governing media and telecommunication technologies. Furthermore, irrespective of the mode (i.e. RFID, GPS etc…) that ultimately binds the ‘Internet of Things’, it is the theme of objects, services and individuals networked with one another that is important. The important point here is the transformation of a world of atomized objects into a world of objects capable of communicating with one another. In earlier posts I have suggested thinking about ideas such as (1) the “anthropocene” (i.e. the most recent point in the earth’s history where the earth itself is no longer ‘natural’, but conditioned by the effects of human civilization) and (2) the present age understood as, in Heidegger’s words, forcing “the world [to] appear as re-presentation ‘for man’ “. One also ought to consider Nietzsche’s 1863 comment that “As a “rational” being, [man] now places his behavior under the control of abstractions. He will no longer tolerate being carried away by sudden impressions, by intuitions. First he universalizes all these impressions into less colorful, cooler concepts, so that he can entrust the guidance of his life and conduct to them.” with the utmost seriousness. In this comment, Nietzsche spells out the theoretical desire for an ‘Internet of Things’: “the metamorphosis of the world into man.” Now, let’s move into more concrete territory and observe some of the ways this is being carried out:
On this theme of the disappearance, or transformation, of the screen, I’ll point out that a number of companies and research facilities are working on glasses – and even contact lenses – capable of superimposing a digital display over the wearer’s vision. Vuzix now has listed “The Wrap 920AR” among its new products. Vuzix calls the Wrap 920AR “the world’s first consumer video eyewear … that ‘looks’ into the world, bringing mixed and augmented reality to life. The stereo camera pair, … can be viewed in 3D stereoscopic video on the Wrap eyewear displays.” Future development of this sort of technology will likely not be glasses but some sort of less bulky and awkward contact lens. Prototypes of such a contact lens, that uses small circuits and LEDs, do already exist. Check out this concept for a digital contact lens by Babak Parviz who works with bionanotechnology and nanofabrication at the University of Washington.
There seem to be three possible futures for the screen. (Future 1.) Simply a continuation of the status quo. Think about how the iPad, for example, resembles a larger ipod/phone touch display. (Future 2.) Exemplified by the SixthSense or Light Touch. (Future 3.) Exemplified by digital glasses or digital contact lenses. But I believe we will not see a continuation of the status-quo. The screen, I think, is undergoing not only a quantitative, but a qualitative change.
This, obviously, raises questions about the status of individual people and augmented reality. When will apps capable of identifying something like Facebook images/data from the faces of individuals walking down the street come into the mainstream? Here, we find a means of identifying people that does not rely on some sort of RFID chip or GPS tracking device, but the very architecture of faces: biometric image recognition apps. On this theme, I’ll note a clever image recognition search engine called TinEye. TinEye allows users to search saved photos for similar photos on the internet. One can imagine the many ways something like a TinEye smartphone app could be linked up with Flickr and Facebook accounts. One might also develop a headache at all the privacy issues such an app would raise!
Each of the themes I have suggested in this brief post (1) Augmented Reality Browsers, (2) Biometric Image Recognition Applications and (3) The Disappearance of the Screen (either into the eye [AR glasses/ AR contacts] or into the world [SixthSense/LightTouch]), is part and parcel of the burgeoning Internet of Things. The Internet of Things is part and parcel of what Nietzsche, and later Heidegger, diagnosed as the Modern drive to bring the world into the purview of the anthropocentric (human) will. Thus, at the outset of the 21st century, surrounded by the ‘death of nature’, the world we find around us is increasingly one created for, and meant to be observed by, technological apparatuses.